Something different is disclosed in the drunkenness of passion: the landscape of the body... These landscapes are traversed by paths which lead sexuality into the world of the inorganic. Fashion itself is only another medium enticing it still more deeply into the universe of matter.
So which is it: am I stupid enough to lose a cheque worth thousands or bright enough to tell the accounts manager about a donation we're due to pay even though no asked me to tell her and it wasn't my responsibility last time?
Even I'm a moron or I have the brain capacity of a psychic, either way making a decision would be helpful for me.
I made the mistake of listening to Saturday's Moral Maze. You can hear it through the listen again function on the BBC Radio 4 website. The utter inability of Claire Fox and Michael Portillo to listen to Bea Campbell clearly point out that there exists a problem with initial evidence gathering by the police force, despite the hierachical structure indicating that it should happen, was absurd. I'm not sure that they should be allowed to debate if they can't actually listen to the counter-arguments and listening back they should be ashamed of themselves for failing to listen to a "witness" who was contributing to the discussion.
"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."
I subscribe to this but more to the notion that all objects should be useful and beautiful. Is there a single reason in the UK in 2007 why this shouldn't be the case?
Why can't I learn to unashamedly face up to and express what I want? I had a conversation a while ago in which I was told by a close family member that I was allowed to have what I want. It made me cry. I've never really believed that it is right to want what I want, I don't really trust my judgement on the smallest, most mundane things and emotionally that often leaves me in an awkward place, realising too late that I was right about myself, my responses, my needs all along. I don't know how to tell people that, explain to people why I can be flummoxed at a bar, unable to choose what to do with my future, disabled in my decision about a holiday destination. Even now I can't explain to people that I can't decide, not that I don't want to but that I just feel absurd deciding. Perhaps I need counselling. I certainly need to become more confident and more clear sighted more quickly, otherwise I'm going to continue to deny my judgement, my confidence in myself and I won't be doing myself any favours. It's going to fuck up my relationship because I will get angry at myself more and more for not asserting my choices, the ones that I make but am in denial about.
